Saturday, January 31, 2015

Where there is love...


Can love be measured? When we fall in love for the first time usually we tend to ask, how much do you love me? Even a child stretches her hands behind her back and says, “I love you this much! All the way to the moon and back!”

Only if that was true; then what happens when we part from each other. Either by choice or by fate or by death. People move on, everyone says time is the solution for every sorrow; you will heal over time; just give some time. If one is clinging to the memories and other person is embracing the life and moving on; how would you measure their love? Who loved the lost one more?

If we ever get some solitude then why do all those memories keep whirling back? Imagine some evening when no one is home; its cloudy outside and you are just sitting at your windowpane- looking at the stormy clouds gathering up in the sky. In no time your mind starts reflecting that storm inside- all those memories start surfacing up. May be it was that silly fight you had with your classmate or the prank against the teacher in which you got caught or a secret that you kept from parents about bunking school and going for a movie. It just keeps perturbing that maybe we should have shared it, expressed our unsaid feelings. Then after many years we gather the courage to pick up the phone/write that email/send message- to make amends with our parents, lost friends or even first unexpressed love.

What would we do if we lose someone close to our heart forever, what if there is no second chance? How debilitated a person would be that time? World seems to pause for that moment, everything seems trifling. It feels like taking that next breath is a sin. How does it feel to attend a baby shower after having early miscarriage? And people expecting you to move on; telling you to find happiness somewhere else!

After a while we tend to believe- time is the only solution. We even try to fool ourselves with the age old saying that time can heal everything! It seems possible that one day we could wake up with no memories from past and could go on enjoying the breakfast on the same table –ignoring that empty chair. Again house could be filled with aroma of Christmas cookies. Life has to move on; right? Or does that mean now that seemingly unmeasurable love as well died with them?

Every spring when we witness new life quivering out of earth we tend to wonder how she would have loved working in her garden waiting for the blooms. Or where she would have planned to go for summer vacation? What could I have given him on this father’s day? What would have made him smile? Would she have approved my boyfriend? If she were alive she would have gone for prom this year.

Do such thoughts just stop coming to us after a while- when we lose our mom/dad/son/daughter/friend/neighbor? No, we carry them in our mind all the time. While enjoying their favorite dessert, or when a whiff of their favorite perfume passes by or …. simply until we are alive. Yes, we do drag our baggage everywhere.  There is no escape from it. No social gathering seems complete without our lost loved ones. When we see complete families that incompleteness becomes even more prevalent. We just swallow our tongue, put on a smile and show others- we are fine. Pretend that time has worked its magic- everyone lost is forgotten!

But secretly we are just saying, “I will keep loving you forever, from all the way to the moon and back….”

 

Morning Run!


It was Saturday morning; I woke up- checked the phone- it showed just 7.00 a.m.

I tried to listen for any stirs, footsteps... But all I could hear were peaceful snores.

I got excited; yes that day has finally arrived!! When I can wake up before anyone is up; and go for the run.

I quietly got up from the bed; decided that I don’t need to take shower right away. Because anyways I will be all sweaty from my work out that I will need the shower again.

So ever so quietly I brushed my teeth and tried to civilize my morning hair- then decided umm actually I can hide this mess under a cap!

But where is the cap?

Then I spent good 10 minutes doing treasure hunt for ever so rarely used cap; which was buried under the winter clothes!

 I checked time it was barely 7.20 a.m. then did some mental calculations- even if I go for run for 4 miles at very slow pace; I might take 1 hr; so I should be back in time to fix breakfast for the family.

Practically I would be done with my exercise before anyone’s Saturday morning has even started!! Wow, kudos to me!!

Now thinking of breakfast, they say don’t exercise with empty stomach, right? So I should not step out with a growling tummy. Now what could be the best thing to eat before run?  Every health article that I came across these days says- eat a banana which provides you sugar and carbs needed for that rigorous regime (which is on my resolution list since… well forever).

Only thing is my hubby forgot to buy bananas when he was out for grocery shopping! Ah, when will he ever recover from that selective listening syndrome!

Then I thought of oatmeal, which is my least favorite. Then how about smoothie? But then I need a banana :(

And then I heard the rustling of bed sheets and sleepy calling, “Mama…” from my son. Ah, I have to move on before he finds out that I’m about to leave the home!

With that determination I step out- with no breakfast after all.

I start my “RunKeeper” to log my exercise details and of course to publish on Facebook (otherwise what’s the point of doing exercise, right?)

By this time it is close 7.45 a.m. I open the garage door and whoosh of cold air strikes me.

Oh o… I should have checked the weather first! But the Run Keeper is on so I should not take a pause wasting time and hampering the logistics of my morning run- after all whole community on FB is waiting for my update! I can even imagine my friend’s comments- “Way to go!”, “How do you manage to get up so early on Saturday morning?”, “You are my inspiration” & so on…

So I started doing the warm up- recalling the tips from the pros- always have good warm up & wind down time. I’m always up to date on my theory!

Ok, I start walking in that cold air. Nobody is on the road inside our community yet. I am glad I’m just out finally!

But wait, recently I read on FB that working out in cold weather could slow down your metabolism! I’m not taking that risk, no way!! I should have run on my treadmill at home. And plus I shouldn’t catch any cold; otherwise my kids will get it.

Another thought rushes in- hold on, did I take the potty break? Anytime we are heading out I’m forcing my kids to take potty break; just in case. But today I am all by myself so that’s not necessary, hush! But then what’s that sensation? Well, I’m a grown up; I can handle it. Keep going…

I barely cross 4 houses and feel like going back to the warmth of my comfy home- of course just to get on the treadmill. You know what? - That would be the smart idea. Any ways if I publish my run route on FB with Run Keeper data then everyone will know that my supposedly morning run started close to 8 a.m.!

With that thought I make a U-turn. I opened the door with very slow deliberate motion - not making any sounds; and when I opened the door- my son was waiting there to welcome me with a big wailing cry- how can you do that to me? I quickly pick him up & start apologizing for sneaking out. And the saga continues of morning routine at every home.

And that’s how my resolution got pushed out to …. Well, I tried; didn’t I??