Thursday, February 22, 2018

दिल है हिंदुस्थानी! - Travel Connections




Recently, I had the privilege to travel to India for a short visit. I happened to notice three couples traveling back to India in the same flight as mine. Instantly they became “aunties" and "uncles” for me; I bet no Indian reading this will find anything odd in this instant relationship! After exchanging initial hellos and confirming that our final destination was the same, we didn’t need to spell it out that we would stick with each other at Heathrow for the long layover.

At Heathrow, we took turns watching each other’s luggage as we used the restroom, and all those warnings like “Beware of strangers at the airport and never leave your luggage with anyone unfamiliar” didn’t seem to apply to us. As we completed our security check and arrived at the terminal, I suggested we get connected to the WiFi and inform our families that we had landed safely in London. While having a video call with my kids and husband, the rest of my clan took turns greeting my family as well! The need for privacy during the call didn’t seem, again, to apply here at all. As soon as our phone calls were done, I was given orders... er, a suggestion to brush my teeth before doing anything else! Of course, I had to oblige. As I fumbled through my purse and got my toothpaste out, one of the aunties decided it was a common property— why waste time searching for her own toothpaste, she seemed to think, when mine was already out!

Now, we had another six hours to kill during the layover, and some of us decided to take a stroll around the airport. So we ventured out in all the prestigious stores with well-known brands. After a while, I got thirsty and decided to buy a water bottle. But when I mentioned to purchase the water bottle; that thought got immediately thrown out of the window. “Why do you need to purchase the water? Don’t waste your money. I’ve saved the water bottle that I got on the plane; let’s fill it at the water fountain that I noticed a while back and we can share.” True Indians often know how to re-use everything and where to save money. We don’t believe in “wastage” of money for such essentials like water.

As we were walking, we found the lounge where the other two couples had been seated for the special assistance. Although such lounges are meant only for people who actually need special assistance, we didn’t think twice before entering or spending rest of our time together with them there. I had bought a book at the airport, partially to kill time in the layover and mostly because I do not get enough time for reading in my busy life back home. So I dared to get that book out and read! After being away from India for so many years; I had almost forgotten that such gesture could be considered rude in the presence of friendly company. As soon as I got my book out; one of the aunties started the questionnaire. Usually when we meet strangers and make an attempt to talk, non-Indians usually talk about work, or the weather, or sports and safe political affairs— and always global, never about your own country. This is because the norm is to respect each other's private space and political views. Ah, but not for us Indians! 

Our conversation started with the topic of my family history, why I was traveling to India, how long I would be there, what caste I belonged to (no offense meant and none taken!), and, learning that I was a Brahmin, was I still a vegetarian or had I already compromised our religion? And so on. When I mentioned I was visiting India for my niece’s wedding, the conversational track was changed to her details. What did you gift her? Is it a love marriage and if so is she marrying a Brahmin too? What are her plans for her education, the future, and so on. By that time I realized even I myself hadn’t given much thought about my family’s details in a long time! Once my enquiry was over, they started sharing their details: how long they had been in the USA, how they were proud of their children and grand-children, how they felt lonely back in India, yet can’t spend longer time in the USA because they feel lonely there too. As we were exchanging this oh-so-very-general (!) chit-chat, the uncles decided to take a stroll around the airport. We continued on other topics like the culture in India versus the USA, the food choices available in the USA, what all they prepared for their kids (all adults at this time) before leaving for work. Yes, however odd it may seem, almost all Indian parents cook so much food and freeze it for their kids (?) before they leave for India as if they are leaving them in a famine. And we “kids” as well feel it as a necessity and cherish such frozen food for weeks, reliving the “man ke haath ka khana…”

With all that discussion about food, my tummy started rumbling and I suggested that  we get some coffee and something to eat. They were astonished to know that I didn’t carry anything to eat with me! And I found myself giving an explanation with guilt (?) that I had worked full day before starting my travel and immediately gained the sympathy! As I was looking for something to eat, all Aunties forbid me to purchase anything there; “Why are you purchasing something to eat? We have 'theplas' and you should eat 'ghar ka khana'.” I happily obliged and decided to at least get coffee for them; which of course they resisted for some time. We went through usual social formality of “are nahi nahi, eski kya jarurat thi…” With no surprise, they ordered one coffee that would be shared between two of them. Indians from that generation always master in ways to save. If you buy two small coffees versus one large and share between two, then the later option can save you a few cents! So although I was the one who was paying, they had had that calculation in mind as they said “Tu to hamari beti hai, tera paisa bhi bachna chahiye na!” As we settled back in the lounge and I gobbled theplas from different families, the uncles as well returned back. To accompany the coffee, various kinds of biscuits were offered:- Parle-G, Monaco, Marie. For Indians, Ritz can never come close to Monaco and Marie is the healthiest biscuit which can safely consumed by diabetic people as well! Why? Do not ask! Even though Marie is made with processed flour (maida) and does have sugar, for generations it has been passed as the biscuit safe for the sick or elderly.

Meanwhile one of the uncles had completed the market survey. He shared what the prices were in the UK, USA, or India and what items should be bought in which country in order to get the better deal. I even got the (un-asked-for) advice on what I should buy for my family in the USA on my next India visit and which store had good deals that I should look for during Thanksgiving! Only a person who has worked hard throughout his life and spent every penny carefully can be so thorough in such a short amount of time!

While sharing our family details, personal items, and food and lifting senior citizens’ bags on and off the conveyor belts, nowhere did I think of those horrific stories that often get passed on social media warning to not trust strangers; I simply didn’t need to. Sharing each other’s things, enquiring about personal details, standing so close that you touch each other no matter if you are standing in the crowded Mumbai local train or spacious international airport, getting up and start pushing to get out as soon as the seatbelt sign goes off, looking out for each other— yes, I was on my blissful journey back home. Before even entering India, I was showered with love and warmth from my fellow travelers who were neither Maharashtrian nor Gujrathi nor Bihari, but just Indians, true Indians!



Nostalgia


This is a very weird state of mind- nostalgia! Nostalgia kicks in unannounced and more prevalent after returning from our roots-India. I often start playing the mind game of –what if?
              Even though my husband & kids didn’t take this memorable trip; just seeing the goodies from India took them instantly back to those roads, that honking, that crowd, even the khadus/mean shopkeeper-who now seems so integral to our memories that we miss him as well! While opening the packet of the Indian snacks or putting the long-lost Poppins on tongue transforms us to our childhood memories. Each small thing, even the smell that is so peculiar to India of udabatti/incense sticks & moth balls and so much more-creating that mesmerizing sense- gets trapped in the bags that travelled across the globe! Kids keep on opening these bags for months just to travel to that happy memory lane and keep searching what is this smell exactly like! I find myself being lost in the conversations that I had with loved ones, with friends, even the negotiations made with the street-hawkers! These memories are the lifeline to get through the everyday responsibilities and life here-away from our roots, family, and friends! Kids keep going through the photos and sighing, “I wish I was there!” All of us keep talking about what happened back in India and who said what, what was on the menu, what are our traditions, and gossip and and…. It is never ending to keep traveling on that memory lane…
              Well, time to remind myself- “You are where you need to be!” Until we realize that we are not!