Can you guess what that four-lettered most coveted word is? With Valentine's lurking around the corner, one would say LOVE! Nope, that is not it. We typically fear uttering that word in anticipation of rejection. Well, that is not our fault, but we grew up with the saying, “A parent’s job is to make their kids independent!” So everyone was expected to raise the kids with a sense of independence. If you are dependent on someone that is considered as weakness. Even with loved ones, within the family, to your spouses, to your best friends, we are afraid of using the word “NEED”. When someone says I NEED you to do this for me, that comes out as clinginess. People believe in, “If you love someone, set them free…” So we don’t admit that we NEED someone.
Recently one of my friends had to go through a life-altering
event, yet they were not ready to accept help from their loved ones. They chose
to manage everything on their own. Kept the fridge stocked with precooked
meals, chose to take Uber for doctor appointments, requested service for home
cleaning, used home deliveries for groceries, and such! In short, all the facilities
that all of us got used to during the pandemic, had made us even more
independent. Is that a good thing? We tend to take pride in our independence, and
how we can manage everything on our own without BOTHERING others!
I have seen grown-up kids- AKA adults, who don’t like to
admit that they NEED their parents. Neither for emotional support nor for physical
help. They avoid asking parents to fund the education/wedding/big expenses, come
and stay with them for help raising newborns, or any kind of help. Most of the time
expectation is that the parents should gauge kids’ needs and offer help in ways
that they can help. When we flip the tables, senior citizens as well tend to
avoid asking for help from the grown-up kids. Everyone is trying to avoid using
the word, NEED.
What if we develop relationships where we need each other
and can start relying on each other? How wonderful it would be if we could
start having an open dialog to state our needs. No one would need to lie in the
work environment to leave early for kids' pickup or, to attend a happy hour with
friends or simply to have a mental break occasionally. In most cases, if there is open communication
things get simpler. Often the loved ones want to be there for each other. But to
maintain each other’s privacy, we maintain the distance. It is even labeled as a
politeness to give SPACE!
This Valentine’s would you dare to use that most coveted four-lettered
word, which makes you vulnerable? Try it, say I need you and I wish everyone who
dares to utter it, receives the response they wished for…
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! May all your needs be
fulfilled and you never have to be scared of asking. Ask and Receive!!
