Yes, I do understand the benefits of forgiving. This article http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692 explains the cause and effect theory of forgiving very well.
However, when I’m witnessing few incidences first hand, even forgiving seems impossible. Recently a family I know lost their 21 year old son. He went on the religious pilgrimage due to his strong faith; and decided to take a bath in the nearby holy river. At that time he was accompanied by his sister who decided to stay at the banks. There was only one another person in the river at that wee hour. No one knows what exactly happened; but he just fell down in water that was waist deep. He tried asking for help & the man who was at the arm’s distance decided to walk away and didn’t help him. His sister kept screaming for help but couldn’t get any. After 36 hours of search he was found at the same place where he drowned. How can anyone forgive that person who didn’t help? There are so many unanswered questions about this whole incidence; one might even dare to question faith and beliefs. We believe that we are his children and the almighty is always looking after us. But then such incidences do happen.
The family who lost their son however at very different spiritual level than one could ever imagine. They have made peace with it. Their response was that if it was bound to happen; no one could have altered it. So we cannot actually blame anyone. Besides all religious scriptures and science agree on the eternal truth that “nothing is permanent”.
The way this family made peace with this mishap is almost surreal. May be forgiving is ultimately necessary for healing. But then I wonder would they ever be able to forget the vivid images of their son’s body which was half eaten by fish? I started tapping people– sometimes others have hurt them and they forgave; sometime they hurt others and sought forgiveness. But was anyone able to forget?
When we cherish the relationship and value it more than anything; people tend to find excuses to forgive and even to forget at some extent. But when the relation itself is superficial, and yet the expectations are high; forgiving becomes challenging. Yet just to keep on moving; we tend to forgive yet never forget. Like when you share a news that you are expecting and someone seemingly close asks, “Are you going to keep it?”; you are taken aback. But then you move on with your decision and eventually with time you forgive- but never forget! Or when you pushed your kid for ski lessons and the kid returned with multiple fractures; you would eventually forgive yourself knowing that the intentions were to make your kid stronger. Seeing your kid going through that pain due to your wish of availing the opportunities you never got; would fade away with the progressive recovery. However, every time your kid denies taking chances; would you rather rethink before pushing them forward?
Yes, I agree forgiving is essential, and it does happen over time. One would even say it is rather necessary for sanity, making peace with life and moving on. However, forgetting?
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