First Love

First Love- just the mention of it brings smile on everyone’s face. No matter how old you are or what your relation status is- everyone has experienced that sweet feeling. That first fluttering, losing yourself head over heels for someone and being in the dreamland whenever you got a chance. Love is such a strong emotion that cannot be expressed in mere words but it is an experience that transforms us completely. Few of us end up having lifetime relationship with that first love; whereas most of us keep holding on to those memories forever. No matter how long you have been married/single or have lost touch with your first love; there is always a corner in your heart reserved for your first love.

I still remember when I had first experienced that sweet unknown feeling which made me wonder what that feeling was. What to do with those thoughts that kept me occupied 24X7. Only one thing was clear at that time- keep it secret! Why? I don’t know or never knew at that time. Everyone around me was falling in love and even though all of us were trying to keep it as a top secret- our friends knew. That endless chatter about our first crush kept us giggling all the time. And being part of the top most secret mission meant everything.

Some of us were bold enough to surrender to that wave of infatuation/first love and admitted to each other that yes, it exists- I love you. No future plans, no money, no education, nothing- just admitting that I am for you and you are for me. And everyone dreamt to have such courage and mainly to get the response in return with the same intensity which was surreal for one. Of course Bollywood helped our raging hormones and demonstrated how this makes perfect sense and how there will be happily ever after story for all the loving couples.

Yet there were heartfelt tragedies for some of us- when the love was not entertained by the second party. Then there was another drama to sympathize with such friend and show hope by painting fantasy of finding someone even better. I remember one movie plot that the heroine kept denying the proposal made by the hero and he kept asking her again and again; then finally she agreed. So we believed in it that if there is NO first time then of course there is hope that eventually that NO will turn into YES!

But sometimes after repetitive attempts when one had to settle on eternal rejection; life got bitter to the extent that, “No, I’m not falling in love ever again!” Which lasted only till the next suitor came in the sight!

Then we parted from each other- conventionally became grownups- met our life partners and started the version of happily ever after. Yet after being in years of matured relationship; with the boom of Orkut then Facebook there was a massive search of the long lost first love. And then there was justification in the sane minds- “I’m just doing that in friendly manner- I don’t/can’t possibly have that feeling now- it was so long ago- it is practically just silliness of that age!” Well, who are we fooling with that? And the history continues to repeat itself- that drama of having the internal battle –well, he/she did love me at that time and what would have happened if we had the courage to admit our feelings for each other at that time? Yes, Bollywood has captured that too! And the saga continues- love the sweet first love… It was there in the first place and it will be always cherished ever- forever!!