निरगाठ

 

पैठणी म्हंटलं की प्रत्येकीच्याच काही आठवणी असतात. त्यात लग्नसराई  असली की  प्रत्येक मुलीला तिच्या  स्वप्नातली पैठणी खुणावत असते. कधी मैत्रिणीच्या लग्नातली, कधी आजीच्या आठवणीतली तर कधी चालत चालत दुकानाच्या काचेत बघितलेली पैठणी मनात घर करून असते. शालूच्याही मनात अशीच एक पैठणी होती- तळहातावर मेंदी खुलल्यावर येणाऱ्या रंगाची. लहानपणी जेव्हा आईनी तिच्या शालूचं  वर्णन करून सांगितलेलं, तेव्हापासूनच तिनं ठरवलेलं की तिचं  जेव्हा केव्हा लग्न ठरेल तेव्हा चक्क आधी मेंदी काढायची, ती गडद रंगली की मग खरेदी करायची - अगदी हुबेहूब त्याच रंगाची पैठणी घ्यायची! कोणी हसलं, तऱ्हेवाईक म्हंटलं तरीही... 

आणि अखेर एकदाची लग्नाची तारीख निघालीही. अजून तब्बल सहा महिने होते लग्नाला; मुहूर्तच नव्हते ना आधीचे. आणि समीरही दूर परदेशी असल्यानी त्यालाही सुट्टी मिळणार नव्हती. पण त्यामुळे सगळ्याच तयारीला खूप वेळ मिळणार होता. बैठकीत ठरलं की मुलाचा पोशाख मुलीकडच्यांनी तर मुलीच्या मुहूर्ताच्या साड्या मुलाकडच्यांनी घ्यायच्या. लग्नखर्च निम्मा-निम्मा वाटून घ्यावा, बाकी मुलांकडच्यांची काहीच अपेक्षा नव्हती. असं  सोन्यासारखं  स्थळ मिळाल्यानी शालू खूपच खूष होती. 

हॉल बुक करताना सासूबाईंनी आधीच सांगितलं कार पार्किंगसाठी जागा हवी बरं; नाहीतर आमच्या पाहुण्यांची भारी गैरसोय होईल ना. आणि आपण ना मस्त रुमाली रोटीचा स्टॉल, पानाचा ठेला ठेवूया, आणि सनईवाले बोलवू - ते रेकॉर्डेड music नको आपल्याला. झालं, आई-बाबांची धावपळ सुरु झाली. फार काही नकोय नं; आणि निम्मा खर्च तर देणार आहेत. मग करूया की त्यांचीही हौस-मौज... 

दागिने, मंगळसूत्र खरेदीला शालूला घेऊन जायचं ठरलं; तिनी आधीच ठरवलेलं मंगळसूत्राचं पॅटर्न. मागच्या वर्षी रियाचं  -तिच्या मामेबहिणीचं लग्न झालेलं. तिच्यासारखं लांब अगदी पोटापर्यंत! उत्साहात शालू आणि तिची आई त्यांनी सांगितलेल्या सराफाच्या दुकानावर पोहचल्या. त्यांच्या आधीच तिचे होणारे सासू-सासरे, नणंद पोहचलेले. सराफानी त्यांच्या पसंतीचे दागिने, मंगळसूत्र काढून ठेवलेले. आईनी आधीच ताकीद दिलेली, "जास्त ताणात बसू नकोस; त्या म्हणतील ते आवडलंय असं दाखव. माणसं महत्त्वाची, सोनं-दागिने नंतरही होत राहतील." तसं शालूनी त्यांच्या आवडीला पसंती दिली; असंही दागिन्यांचा तिला फारसा शौक नव्हताच. पण मंगळसूत्र तरी आपल्या मनासारख व्हावं, असं तिला वाटत होतं. पण एवढं लांब मंगळसूत्र असलं  की कसा भुरट्या चोरांचा त्रास होऊ शकतो, ह्याच्याच गप्पा रंगल्या. शालूला बाजूला घेऊन आईनी समजावलं की, "काही वर्षांनी करून घे तुझ्या मनासारखं लांबलचक, आता राहू दे..." येत्या शनिवारी तिच्या सासूबाई पुण्याला जाणार होत्या, नात्यातल्या  लग्नासाठी; त्यामुळे सोन्याची खरेदी आताच आटपावी अशी त्यांची ईच्छा होती. झालं, आटपली खरेदी. शालूला समीरची खूपच आठवण आली. तो आता खरेदीला असता तर सगळं माझ्या मनासारखं  झालं  असतं, नेमका लंडनला जाऊन बसलाय-प्रोजेक्टसाठी. नकळत मनात गाठ पडली, "लग्न म्हणजे तडजोड!"

सोमवारी संध्याकाळी शालूच्या सासूबाईंचा फोन आला, "संध्याकाळी चक्कर टाकशील का? गम्मत दाखवायचीये तुला! अगं पुण्याला गेलेलो नं, तर साड्यांची खरेदी आटपून टाकली. इतक्या सुरेख साड्या होत्या नं, चंदा मावशी म्हणाली आलीयेस तर बघून घे नं. आणि कसचं काय तुझ्या पाची साड्या घेऊन टाकल्या एका पाठोपाठ.. हिरवीगार पैठणी पण घेतली, तुला खूप आवडेल बघ... " शालूच्या मनातली पैठणी मनातच राहिली. 

लग्नाचा दिवस उजाडला, लहानपणापासून ज्या घरात लहानाची मोठी झालेली त्याचा घराला आज शालू परकी होणार होती. ह्यापुढे ह्या घरी आल्यावर परत जाण्याची वेळ आधीच ठरणार होती. हिरव्यागार पैठणीवर मेंदीने खुललेले हात निरखत, मनातली निरगाठ सांभाळत शालू निम्मा खर्च सोयीस्कर रित्या विसरणाऱ्या हौशी सासरची वाट चालू लागली. 

Vision 20/20

 

“For God’s sake, this is 2020! Women have equal rights; Ruth didn’t fight for our rights in vain. I wish all men in my life were like you, honey. I get so frustrated when women just give up or even worse- accept such injustice!”, Celine was outrageously expressing her frustration to her loving husband of 20 years. Ron & Celine were high school sweethearts; married in early twenties and now proud parents of their only daughter- Rudy and dog- Jimmy. Ron had learnt to let her talk out what was bubbling inside & say nothing when she is so worked up. He could only hear Celine’s love and trust on their relationship and hugged her gently.

Celine decided to call her besties as only they could provide the pep talk that she needed. As they started talking, Betty asked, “Are you telling me that you have never experienced such thing ever in your life? I agree we don’t have the fights that our Moms’/Grandmas’ generations to face; but keep your eyes open. It’s everywhere and most of us are either in denial or just being complacent. You choose your own reality and make peace with it; that’s all. Once you accept that things are supposed to be this way and just start choosing to react differently; you cannot even see what’s right in front of you.” Others kept on chatting away and drifting to other topics; but that certainly struck a chord in Celine’s mind.

On Sunday, they had to go for the barbecue at his colleague’s ranch. Celine was getting ready and chose to wear her new dress. Weather was predicted to cross 90 degrees. As always, she asked Ron, “Honey, how about this one; would it be appropriate for today’s party?” Ron took a good look at her and said, “You are looking so pretty; how did I get so lucky? But how about that white polo dress for today? This one is showing too much of what I would like to see & not my conservative colleagues…” Although Celine wanted to flaunt her new shopping; she simply changed to her white polo dress as Ron had suggested. On the way home, Ron was sharing his discussion with his colleagues. “We are hiring a new candidate to help me on this exciting project. We were interviewing few candidates this week and met quite interesting bunch. One guy with 20 years of industry experience and yet couldn’t feel that confident vibe from him. Then, there was one lady who seemed qualified and all; but I couldn’t ask her directly, if she had family/kids. You know, HR has tightened the guidelines on what you can ask or not.  I simply asked her if she has constraints on working in the lab. You need to be on your feet when you are in the lab and God forbid if she has young kids; how can she keep up with such challenging role. Our labs are not a place for someone who has special needs! Anyways, I think we will go with that Berkley graduate instead. Being a bachelor, he will have all the time and no excuses. Oh wait, did you know what I heard today? Barbara, if you recall hearing about her from me; is getting promoted to be a VP! All these policies of bridging the gap and all nonsense; suddenly they have been promoting females just because they are like a silver bullet.” He kept on sharing further; but Betty’s words kept ringing in Celine’s ears. “…, you cannot even see what’s right in front of you.”

Immeasurable

        Can we ever measure the love? When we fall in love for the first time usually, we tend to ask, "How much do you love me?" Even a child stretches her hands by her sides and says, “I love you this much! All the way to the moon and back!” 

         If only that was true; what happens then is that we part from one another, either by choice or by fate or by death. People move on, and everyone says time is the solution for every sorrow, that you will heal; just give it a while. If one of us is clinging to the memories and other person is embracing life and moving on, how would you measure their love? Who loved the lost one more? 

        Whenever one gets some solitude, why do all those memories keep whirling back? Imagine an evening when no one is home; it's cloudy outside and you are just sitting at your windowpane looking at the stormy clouds gathering in the sky. In no time your mind starts reflecting that storm inside, and all those memories start surfacing up. Maybe it was that silly fight you had with your classmate or the prank against the teacher in which you got caught or a secret that you kept from parents about bunking school and going for a movie. It just keeps coming up that maybe we should have shared it, or expressed our unsaid feelings. Then after many years we may gather the courage to pick up the phone, or write that email, or send that message, to make amends with our parents, lost friends or even first unexpressed love. 

        What would one do if she/he loses someone close to the heart forever, and if there is no second chance? How debilitated would a person be at that time? The world seems to pause for that moment, and everything seems trifling. It feels like taking that next breath is a sin. How does it feel for a woman to attend a baby shower after having an early miscarriage? And people expect her to move on, telling her to find happiness somewhere else! 

        Many times, we console ourselves saying that time is the only solution. We even try to fool ourselves with the age old saying that time can heal everything! It seems possible that one day one could wake up with no memories from past and could go on enjoying breakfast on the same table, ignoring that empty chair. Maybe the house could be filled with the aroma of Christmas cookies again. Life must move on, right? Or does that mean that their seemingly unmeasurable love died with them as well? 

        Every spring when new life is quivering out of the earth, one tends to wonder how their loved one would have loved working in her garden waiting for the blooming flowers, or where she would have planned to go for summer vacation. What could I have given him on this Father’s Day? What would have made him smile? Would she have approved of my boyfriend? If she were alive, she would have gone to the prom this year. Do such thoughts just stop coming to us after a while when one loses his/her mother, father, son, daughter, friend, or neighbor? No, we carry them in our minds forever. While enjoying a lost loved one’s favorite dessert, or when a whiff of their favorite perfume passes by, or … simply when we go on living. Yes, we do drag our baggage everywhere. There is no escape from it. No social gathering seems complete without our lost loved ones. When we see complete families, our family's incompleteness becomes even more prevalent. We just bite our lips, put on a smile and show others that we are fine. We pretend that time has worked its magic, and that everyone that is  lost is forgotten! 

        But maybe we are secretly just saying, “I will keep loving you forever, all the way to the moon and back…”

कात

एका अलवार क्षणी

मन उकलून बसली

माणूसपणाची आस

बिरुदांना नाकारत गेली

तो एक क्षण मोहाचा

आश्वासक स्पर्शाचा

अन् मन रिती करती झाली

समई होऊनी तेवता तेवता

ज्योतीचीच ठिणगी झाली

पिल्लांच्या कुशीत जाताना

आईपण हरवून बैसली

तो एक क्षण मोहाचा

आश्वासक स्पर्शाचा

अन् कात टाकून स्वत:स नवीन उमगली...

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हम लब सीले बैठे रहें 

और उन्होंने आंखोंसे बातें कर दी

कुछ कहेनेसे डरते रहे

जमानेसे ताउम्र छुपाते रहे

और अनकहीभी उन्होंने सुना दी

सपने छलक ना जायें

इस लियें आंखे मुॅंदते रहे

और उन्होंने नींदेही उडा दी

यह कहने जताने का किस्सा न था

वो साॅंसे लेते रहे

और हमने जिंदगी गुजार दी...

-केजो.