Vision 20/20

 

“For God’s sake, this is 2020! Women have equal rights; Ruth didn’t fight for our rights in vain. I wish all men in my life were like you, honey. I get so frustrated when women just give up or even worse- accept such injustice!”, Celine was outrageously expressing her frustration to her loving husband of 20 years. Ron & Celine were high school sweethearts; married in early twenties and now proud parents of their only daughter- Rudy and dog- Jimmy. Ron had learnt to let her talk out what was bubbling inside & say nothing when she is so worked up. He could only hear Celine’s love and trust on their relationship and hugged her gently.

Celine decided to call her besties as only they could provide the pep talk that she needed. As they started talking, Betty asked, “Are you telling me that you have never experienced such thing ever in your life? I agree we don’t have the fights that our Moms’/Grandmas’ generations to face; but keep your eyes open. It’s everywhere and most of us are either in denial or just being complacent. You choose your own reality and make peace with it; that’s all. Once you accept that things are supposed to be this way and just start choosing to react differently; you cannot even see what’s right in front of you.” Others kept on chatting away and drifting to other topics; but that certainly struck a chord in Celine’s mind.

On Sunday, they had to go for the barbecue at his colleague’s ranch. Celine was getting ready and chose to wear her new dress. Weather was predicted to cross 90 degrees. As always, she asked Ron, “Honey, how about this one; would it be appropriate for today’s party?” Ron took a good look at her and said, “You are looking so pretty; how did I get so lucky? But how about that white polo dress for today? This one is showing too much of what I would like to see & not my conservative colleagues…” Although Celine wanted to flaunt her new shopping; she simply changed to her white polo dress as Ron had suggested. On the way home, Ron was sharing his discussion with his colleagues. “We are hiring a new candidate to help me on this exciting project. We were interviewing few candidates this week and met quite interesting bunch. One guy with 20 years of industry experience and yet couldn’t feel that confident vibe from him. Then, there was one lady who seemed qualified and all; but I couldn’t ask her directly, if she had family/kids. You know, HR has tightened the guidelines on what you can ask or not.  I simply asked her if she has constraints on working in the lab. You need to be on your feet when you are in the lab and God forbid if she has young kids; how can she keep up with such challenging role. Our labs are not a place for someone who has special needs! Anyways, I think we will go with that Berkley graduate instead. Being a bachelor, he will have all the time and no excuses. Oh wait, did you know what I heard today? Barbara, if you recall hearing about her from me; is getting promoted to be a VP! All these policies of bridging the gap and all nonsense; suddenly they have been promoting females just because they are like a silver bullet.” He kept on sharing further; but Betty’s words kept ringing in Celine’s ears. “…, you cannot even see what’s right in front of you.”

Immeasurable

        Can we ever measure the love? When we fall in love for the first time usually, we tend to ask, "How much do you love me?" Even a child stretches her hands by her sides and says, “I love you this much! All the way to the moon and back!” 

         If only that was true; what happens then is that we part from one another, either by choice or by fate or by death. People move on, and everyone says time is the solution for every sorrow, that you will heal; just give it a while. If one of us is clinging to the memories and other person is embracing life and moving on, how would you measure their love? Who loved the lost one more? 

        Whenever one gets some solitude, why do all those memories keep whirling back? Imagine an evening when no one is home; it's cloudy outside and you are just sitting at your windowpane looking at the stormy clouds gathering in the sky. In no time your mind starts reflecting that storm inside, and all those memories start surfacing up. Maybe it was that silly fight you had with your classmate or the prank against the teacher in which you got caught or a secret that you kept from parents about bunking school and going for a movie. It just keeps coming up that maybe we should have shared it, or expressed our unsaid feelings. Then after many years we may gather the courage to pick up the phone, or write that email, or send that message, to make amends with our parents, lost friends or even first unexpressed love. 

        What would one do if she/he loses someone close to the heart forever, and if there is no second chance? How debilitated would a person be at that time? The world seems to pause for that moment, and everything seems trifling. It feels like taking that next breath is a sin. How does it feel for a woman to attend a baby shower after having an early miscarriage? And people expect her to move on, telling her to find happiness somewhere else! 

        Many times, we console ourselves saying that time is the only solution. We even try to fool ourselves with the age old saying that time can heal everything! It seems possible that one day one could wake up with no memories from past and could go on enjoying breakfast on the same table, ignoring that empty chair. Maybe the house could be filled with the aroma of Christmas cookies again. Life must move on, right? Or does that mean that their seemingly unmeasurable love died with them as well? 

        Every spring when new life is quivering out of the earth, one tends to wonder how their loved one would have loved working in her garden waiting for the blooming flowers, or where she would have planned to go for summer vacation. What could I have given him on this Father’s Day? What would have made him smile? Would she have approved of my boyfriend? If she were alive, she would have gone to the prom this year. Do such thoughts just stop coming to us after a while when one loses his/her mother, father, son, daughter, friend, or neighbor? No, we carry them in our minds forever. While enjoying a lost loved one’s favorite dessert, or when a whiff of their favorite perfume passes by, or … simply when we go on living. Yes, we do drag our baggage everywhere. There is no escape from it. No social gathering seems complete without our lost loved ones. When we see complete families, our family's incompleteness becomes even more prevalent. We just bite our lips, put on a smile and show others that we are fine. We pretend that time has worked its magic, and that everyone that is  lost is forgotten! 

        But maybe we are secretly just saying, “I will keep loving you forever, all the way to the moon and back…”

कात

एका अलवार क्षणी

मन उकलून बसली

माणूसपणाची आस

बिरुदांना नाकारत गेली

तो एक क्षण मोहाचा

आश्वासक स्पर्शाचा

अन् मन रिती करती झाली

समई होऊनी तेवता तेवता

ज्योतीचीच ठिणगी झाली

पिल्लांच्या कुशीत जाताना

आईपण हरवून बैसली

तो एक क्षण मोहाचा

आश्वासक स्पर्शाचा

अन् कात टाकून स्वत:स नवीन उमगली...

अनकही...

बढती धडकनोंने गुस्ताखी कर दी

हम लब सीले बैठे रहें 

और उन्होंने आंखोंसे बातें कर दी

कुछ कहेनेसे डरते रहे

जमानेसे ताउम्र छुपाते रहे

और अनकहीभी उन्होंने सुना दी

सपने छलक ना जायें

इस लियें आंखे मुॅंदते रहे

और उन्होंने नींदेही उडा दी

यह कहने जताने का किस्सा न था

वो साॅंसे लेते रहे

और हमने जिंदगी गुजार दी...

-केजो.

लुटूपुटूचा डाव

लुटूपुटूचा डाव

लुटूपुटूचा डाव मांडूया

तुझा नि माझा खेळ रंगवूया

सारथी तू अन सोबती मी

स्वप्नातील वारू उधळूया

हरवून जाऊ धुक्यामध्ये

तुझ्या नि माझ्या स्वप्नांमध्ये

जे साकारले फक्त भासांमध्ये

ते अनुभवू आज श्वासांमध्ये

घडीभरच्या भातूकलीतील

खेळभांडीही मांडूया

तुझ्या नि माझ्या भासांमधले

घर-संसारही आज थाटुया

पुसटशा होतील मग मर्यादा

ओझरत्या स्पर्शावरच थांबूया

भान हरवता एकाचे

दुसर्याने अलगद सावरुया

लुटुपुटूच्या डावामधल्या

आठवणी हृदयात साठवूया

न उमटलेली डोळ्यांतील प्रीती

उरी जपुनी ठेवूया

भरेल घटका मग परतीची

हासत हासत निरोपही घेऊया

डोळ्यांमधले पाणीही

पुन्हा एकदा परतवूया

लुटुपुटूच्या डावामधुनी

चल आज भातुकली मांडूया

Pimple!

              It started as a harmless seeming pimple at the hard to explain place. Let your imagination run wild to imagine it and it was worse than that! So for couple of days Daisy pretended to ignore it. Since it was invisible to everyone around her; she was successful in denying its presence. However as it wouldn’t go away; it started demanding her attention. Soon enough all that she could think of was the pimple at that place which she couldn’t speak in public. The embarrassment (wait it was not even embarrassment at that time yet; but Daisy didn’t’ know) and throbbing pain made it difficult to deny its presence anymore.

              Daisy did the exact that any sane girl would do in such situation. Go to doctor; you would think? Nope, she discussed it with her best friend followed-by intensive online search based on the symptoms. If you had ever searched online for any symptom and it hadn’t led to possibility of cancer or life threatening condition; I am ready to reveal who shared this story with me! And even knowing that online search and so called doctors giving “free” advice on chat forums aren’t reliable; it did make Daisy to pick up the phone and make an appointment with real doctor.

              After a couple of days of wait finally she could meet her physician. One look at that nasty pimple at the place that no one talks about (read on Harry Potter themed – “the one whose name no one speaks of”); and doctor confirmed what online forum had suggested. Yes, Daisy was recommended to go directly to the ER and get admitted for general surgery. Although in pain Daisy was secretly enjoying the guilty pleasure of being in this situation. You would wonder; why? Remember when you were in school and you prayed to get sick during exams/or submissions? Now you can relate better- here Daisy the so-called grown up was dreading the upcoming deadline at work and had been secretly hoping that, “Oh God; please show some miracle and send me on medical leave of absence. Nothing serious please; just something which makes me skip work for some valid reason. So that I can finally get chance to binge watch and finish that last season of my favorite show!” She was delighted, finally her prayers were answered!

              Happily but without showing any remorse of happiness, she called up her family to inform that she has to undergo a surgery and won’t be able to call them for next couple hours(!). Her family was like that loving one in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”; so they had to know everything. Everyone rushed to the hospital to give her company in ER. That night if someone with real emergency would have walked in would have thought, “Oh no it seems so full! It is going to be such a long wait till I get checked out. Better to try different ER tonight.” As the hours passed by family members made themselves comfortable with vending machine coffee and old hospital jokes. Suddenly someone would remember why they were here in the first place and would ask Daisy if she needed anything from coffee to extra kidney! Daisy’s mom reminded them no drop of water is allowed in case Daisy has to go through general anesthesia. That made the scene even more melodramatic. And made Daisy really hungry and thirsty at the same time. Daisy was sure if the surgery won’t kill her; this hunger is surely going to put her in the dehydrated state.

              To get distracted from dreadful thoughts, Daisy used this time to send out emails to her supervisor, colleagues, janitor in the company and everyone who could have barely waved hello to her at work. She explained that she has to undergo emergency surgery and not sure how long she might be away from work, requesting coverage. And of course expressing how sorry she is feeling about the “bad” timing coinciding the deadline! As she was about to update her Facebook status for checking in the ER; nurse called her name. Suddenly so many people rushed to that nurse that that nurse got confused how can there be so many Daisy Washingtons at the same time! Daisy’s mom made her way pushing everyone aside with Daisy at one hand and one hand in the air. She announced everyone in the family as everyone in the next 50 yards that everyone has to wait outside! Only Daisy, her Mom, her Dad and her husband are going inside with her. Although her aunt, cousins, best friends wanted to accompany her inside; the nurse put her foot down. After saying the exaggerated goodbyes; it felt like the nurse was taking Daisy to her deathbed. Daisy started feeling the seriousness of the situation and her heart sank. “Ah, this could be the last time I am seeing annoying cousin Travis; and I never even got a chance to apologize to him. I didn’t get a chance to eat that last piece of apple pie seating in the fridge.” And so on & on… Does that happen to people who go through near death experience?              

              Before Daisy could start seeing that inviting bright light and enter into tunnel (at least that’s how people who came back to life explain it); nurse started taking her vitals and asking for insurance details. Then there was another long wait till doctor could see her. Another wave of text messages were exchanged informing everyone waiting outside about no update yet. Now the family members were texting about how such thing can happen at “the place that no one should speak of”. As Daisy was reading all that traffic; she felt like burying herself in her own grave!

              Now the doctor came with serious looks and went through the series of typical questions. Daisy was put into the hospital gown whose only intention is to make everything- read EVRYTHING visible from every angle! Now her mom, Dad and husband everyone was interested in taking a peek at what exactly has happened at that “place that no one should speak of”. In her vain efforts of hiding, she looked with merciful eyes to the attending nurse. Unfortunately she missed her signal completely and went on exposing it to the doctor as well as the waiting spectators! As Daisy heard her parents remarks as, “Ooh, that’s nasty. Wait where is it? ; What exactly we are looking at? Ah I can see it; how did it get in there? Daisy, darling I had told you to clean front-to-back; not otherwise!” she missed what doctor had to say. So as the doctor removed the gloves and started to go; she tried stopping him to ask so many questions. But by the time she could get into decent enough coverage possible with that hospital gown the doctor was already gone! She was so mad at her parents and wanted to start yelling; but she got shushed by the attending nurse reminding her of neighboring patients.

              Again after a long wait; the nurse came in with discharge papers! What, what just happened here? Nurse explained that, “Doctor just went over with you that there is nothing at this point that can be done here. If you WANT (like if you WANT we can add-on hot stone massage with your pedicure!), you can get started on antibiotics. Other than that just go home.” Daisy was so disappointed- no near death experience, no surgery, no down time, no pampering, nothing! But all that she got was her parents going over her toddlerhood lessons to her grown up version. Now Cousin Travis got yet another story that would be told over thanksgiving and all family dinners! Drama didn’t end there; she had to go back to her work and explain what happened to everyone that was on that email chain!! Now the deadline started glaring at her which was good enough for her to get the near death experience!

With such embarrassment even the pimple must have started shrinking on its own, as Daisy could barely sense any pain or its existence any more… Lame, lame pimple!

दिल है हिंदुस्थानी! - ओळख

नमस्कार मंडळी!

आपल्या पैकी खूप जणांनी कधी ना कधी भारतात कायमचा परत जाण्याचा विचार केलेला असतो. पण काही कारणांनी तो पुढे ढकलला जातो. आणि असं करताना आपली नक्की ओळख कुठली तेच पुसट होत जातं; त्याविषयीची हि कविता. 

काय चुकतंय कधीपासून चुकतंय

 काहीच कळत नाही

जे हवं आहे ते मिळू नये म्हणूनही धडपड

आणि जे आहे ते निसटू नाही म्हणूनही धडपड

भूतकाळही सोडवत नाही

आणि भविष्याचीही शाश्वती नाही  

सरता सरत नाही तिथली ओढ

जोडता जोडली जात नाही इथलीही नाळ

थांबेल का तो काळ माझ्यासाठी

जो थिजला आहे फक्त माझ्यासाठी

जेव्हा होती दिवाळी रस्त्या-रस्त्यांवर

आणि कंदीलही सजले होते घरा-घरांवर

जेव्हा होते डोळे माझ्या वाटेवर

आणि वळली होती पावलंही परतीकडे

पण ... तो पणच नडला मध्ये

वर्षांची दशकं झाली पण ...पणच आला मध्ये

ना इथले होऊ शकलो

ना तिथलेही होऊ शकू

आता  वाट बघता बघता मीही हरवेन

आणि माझा वाट बघणारा रस्ताही ...

काय चुकतंय कधीपासून चुकतंय

 काहीच कळत नाही!

#proudToBeIndian