The Idea of You

    

    Last night, I watched “The Idea of You” movie, and it was difficult to process the movie's plot. For whoever has not seen this movie- the plot is about a young super handsome, kind-hearted, most famous singer of a popular band (can it get any more cliche?) who falls in love with a 40-some divorced mom of a teenage daughter! I agree that it seems as impossible as it sounds! But then you have to consider it was Anne Hathaway! Of course, anyone would fall for her!! The movie shows some realistic parts, as well as some of the expected exaggerated-near impossible parts happening in real life, but at the same time, satisfies the fantasy of romanticism. One can relate to her denying that someone can get attracted to her at that stage. When she is not feeling attractive or has nothing to offer but has baggage of hurt from the failed marriage, responsibilities, and uncertainties. Even after fighting her insecurities, how she must face all the public shame, risking her family through the attention of the paparazzi, and going back and forth of putting herself first as a woman and a mom, the struggle seems real. I don’t want to spoil the movie if you have not watched it and are planning to watch it, but the more realistic part of me could not fathom the happy ending.

If you were going through a broken marriage (either officially on paper or, as statistics say, separated under the same roof), someone showing you a glimpse of different aspects of life can be very alluring. When you don’t feel beautiful, when you accept that it will be all downhill hereon, someone genuinely paying attention to your likes/dislikes seems impossible. When you completely forget that your pictures should be captured, someone clicking your candid pictures feels quite overwhelming. When you have stopped nagging for the company and learned to explore on your own, convinced that you are not worth spending time with, your preference for random walks without a destination is a foolish way of spending a perfect afternoon where you should choose to stay inside and rest. Someone willingly accompanies you and comes along everywhere w/o questioning or showing resistance to why you are taking a stop here, how long you are going to stare at the mountains that are so monotonous(!) after a while, and just silently stays beside you, even meditates with you sharing the calm that was never felt before. When everyone around you has a different choice, and you keep choosing to go with the majority without voicing your preference, someone remembering your preference leads everyone to your choice.  How do you process that?  Is that even possible in reality? Should you admit to yourself that you were craving such attention or deny the existence of that tender feeling that was buried/forgotten for years? “The Idea of You” paints these possibilities and struggles of a woman going through a similar dilemma and living in the most romantic world that can only be imagined in the fictional realm.

Most women tend to shrug off, denying that they deserve, crave, and like feeling wanted. Special attention after a certain age and certain social identities of being a parent or spouse seems unacceptable (mostly) for women.  However, is there an age when one should stop feeling love? Why does every bond need to be defined? One can learn to cherish the love when it is presented through simple gestures. When the vibrational frequencies of two individuals align, they often experience a sense of attachment as they share a similar perspective on the universe. When you think about the concept of energy, everything is interconnected. The universe is filled with vibrations, and when you find a match, you feel a sense of belonging, which brings happiness. This is a spiritual experience that can lead to enlightenment. Won’t you like to cherish such sweet feelings to remember that it happened, you loved it, and admit the presence of that special bond rather than labeling it? It reminds me of Dr. Seuss's quote, “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened”.  Could it be that simple in reality than the climax of “The Idea of You”?

Most of us are careful not to use the most coveted four-lettered word, but we often choose “like” to express our feelings. I believe love is the most powerful force in nature. Einstein explained that we tend to ignore the existence of love because it is the only energy in the universe that humankind has not learned to drive at will. In the letter to his stepdaughter, he wrote,

“Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it.

Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others.

Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals.

For love we live and die.”

When you love someone, you can forgive them. You learn to open your heart to receive and to let go. With love, we can attract abundance, as love knows no bounds. Love cannot be explained by logical reasoning; it is simply a feeling. Love cannot be restricted by age, gender, race, nationality, proximity, or any parameters. Love can heal almost anything with a simple expression of a lasting hug, delicately holding hands, or a peck on the cheek. Different times, different relations, and different moods summon different love languages. It is the most fulfilling experience to express love in words, actions, and even copulation. When yin and yang come together, it brings harmony to nature.  These two seemingly opposing forces complement each other, putting puzzle pieces together and completing a beautiful reunion. It can be a form of meditation that leads to enlightenment. It can bring us together, and form unity in diversity.  Imagine a world without judgment and labels but where everyone honors and embraces the presence of love; wouldn’t that be a wonderful synergy of peace?

Maybe the end of the movie -“The Idea of You” can be interpreted differently than my perception. Can it be that simple to embrace love and not just a fictional romance that seems unrealistic?

Idam-N-Mama (इदं न मम्!)

    After a year, I find myself wondering again about this Sanskrit saying- “इदं न मम्!” This is not mine; these life events do not define me. This principle teaches detachment. Recently I was part of a social gathering where inevitably friends started debating about religion/the presence of God and science. Being surrounded by highly intellectual individuals I often decide to take a backseat. I shy away from conflicts and don’t want to participate in arguments. Once I read that “you don’t owe an explanation to anyone. People who love you, who understand you will not need an explanation, and people who have made an opinion about you cannot be convinced by any explanation!” And this quote stuck the cord with me, silence is the best answer. No explanation is ever needed! So, coming back to that debate, it was interesting to hear different perspectives. One side argued that if they have put in the work, then why should they owe their success to God/Universe/presence of the unknown? I do acknowledge the achievements of my loved ones/friends and in many cases witnessed their hard work to accomplish these goals. However, with such an argument, my mind starts labeling it as the presence of ego. Ego is a funny thing, although tainted in a negative connotation, I believe ego is essential to not settle for less. The ego pushes one to challenge the perceived limits and motivates one to pursue impossible goals. However, one should balance the slippery slope of not letting the ego take over their mind. On the same note, when one grows the awareness of “इदं न मम्!”, they can surrender their triumphs to the invisible force that made it happen. The surrendering attitude brings out the humbleness. Acknowledging that so many things could have gone wrong, so many possibilities existed of undesired outcomes, yet the Universe conspired to make things line up in a certain way- that led to that triumph, that victory, that success story! We can put in all the efforts in the world, and have the right intentions, but only a few get to taste the success. Why does that happen?

Similarly, there comes a period when everything starts going wrong. No matter how good your intentions were, everyone misunderstood you. Or, after following a healthy lifestyle throughout life, exercising regularly, and never trying any questionable substance, when one gets diagnosed with a terminal disease at a young age, loved ones would question the presence of God for sure! Try to remember all the failures, how those made you feel, and how others’ perceptions changed. Even though you were the same person, putting all the efforts with the right intentions, outcomes were not in your favor then. In such dire situations, one tries to find someone/something to blame! Often it is fate, bad luck, or God! What changed? In the case of success, most people want to acknowledge their efforts but in dire situations, they can easily blame it on bad luck or circumstances.

Does the success, your relations-profession-failures-triumphs define you? Should you be limited by such labels? You are not this or that, you and me are the same- part of the One! “इदं न मम्!” gives that humbling reminder that this is not mine, this doesn't belong to me. It allows me to surrender and feel deep gratitude for everything and everyone that comes along my way. People who wronged me, made me realize my unknown strengths, and who loved me kept encouraging me regardless of all my shortcomings.

Would you like to practice detachment by saying- “इदं न मम्!”?

______________________________________________________________________________

November 2, 2023  · 

Shared with Friends; Except: Vijay Peddi

इदं न मम्!

योग शिकवताना, शिकताना बऱ्याच छोट्या छोट्या श्लोकांचा, योगसूत्रांचा, गीतेच्या अध्यायांचा उल्लेख होतो. त्यातलंच हे एक वचन, कधी ऐकलं, कुठे ऐकलं, ते काही आठवत नाही. पण हल्ली हे वचन सतत डोक्यात घोळतंय. इदं न मम्~ हे माझं नाहीये. हे सत्य माझं नाहीये, हे जे घडतंय ते माझ्यामुळे नाही, कर्ता करविता कोणी दुसराच आहे. किती सोप्या शब्दात स्वतःचा अहंकार सोडून द्यावा, हे समजावलं आहे. त्याच बरोबर जेव्हा आपल्या बाबतीत कधी कधी सगळं बिघडतच जातं, कितीही चांगला उद्देश असला, तरी मेहनत कमी पडते किंवा नशिबाचे फासे उलटे पडतात. तेव्हाही इदं न मम् म्हणून आशा जागृत करायची. हे माझं नाहीये, जे काही होतंय ते माझ्यासाठी नाहीये, ते मी अर्पित करते. आणि नव्याने परिस्थितीला समोर जाण्यासाठी बळ देते, हे वचन!

समर्पण,अहंकाराचा (इगोचा) त्याग केला की जाणीव होते की ज्याला आपण यश म्हणतो, मेहनतीचं फळ म्हणतो, ते सगळं किंबहुना आपल्याहूनही जास्त करणारे बरेच जण असतात. पण शिखरावर पोहोचूनही इदं न मम् म्हणणं, ते जाणवणं किती जणांना जमतं? तथाकथित यशाच्या मागे काय रहस्य आहे? सगळ्यांनी मेहनत करूनही, संधी कोणा एकालाच का मिळते? जगात इतके उत्तम गाणारे, नाचणारे, अभिनय करणारे हौशी कलाकार असतानाही एखादाच अमिताभ बच्चन, एखादीच लता, एकाच सचिन का जगप्रसिद्ध मिळवतो? त्याचा अर्थ बाकीच्यांची मेहनत, नशीब कमी पडतं का? शिखरावर पोहोचण्या आधी त्यांनीही अपयश पचवले असेलच की. पण त्या अपयशानी खचून न जाता त्यांनीही इदं न मम् अंगीकृत केलं असावं बहुदा!

एखादयाकडे बघून सगळ्यांचाच जीव हळहळतो. का माहित नाही सगळंच लौकीकार्थानी वाईट घडत जातं. हाती आलेला पैसा टिकत नाही, जीवावरच दुखणंच येतं, नात्यांमध्ये गैरसमज होऊन जवळची माणसं दुरावतात. हे असं घडत असतानाही ह्या माणसांच्या चेहऱयावरचं हसू टिकून असतं! सुखी माणसाचा सदरा मिळाला असतो का त्यांना? कुठून येते जगाशी सामना करण्याची जिगीषा?

ह्या सगळ्याला एकच उत्तर- इदं न मम्! ज्याला हा मंत्र गवसला, आत्मसात झाला त्याला बोधिवृक्ष शोधण्याची गरजच नसावी.