Friday, December 27, 2024

Be Selfish!

While growing up the common theme seen/heard in all the movies/ family dramas was to sacrifice, to adjust! When I witnessed my elder cousins/aunts getting married, the main advice they received was the secret to a long-lasting married life is to adjust. If you want to make any relationship last then the secret sauce is to remain silent. It was an unspoken rule that such silence was expected from women. Women were expected to stay quiet in case their in-laws were being irrational if their husbands were angry, or if there was any outburst of emotions by anyone in the family! In India, even today when a girl is married off she bids farewell to her family, her home forever. Quite often she gets reminded that her husband’s family home is her in-laws' place, so she has to behave in certain ways. Many generations of women have been obedient and followed what their grandmothers/mothers did and remained silent. These women were not even aware that they could be treated any better. They did not know that they could have their own choices, their ambitions could mean anything. They just mastered the skill of remaining silent and gained long-lasting marriages, keeping the families intact. The cost of such silence often meant terminal diseases, unresolved issues, emotional and even physical abuse which eventually became the expected outcome! Slowly and steadily each generation is breaking away from the traditional way of accepting life as-is. Women are becoming aware of their rights, and their choices. The last few generations of women have been financially independent. However, their responsibilities in the household did not decrease. They were expected to start earning, in addition to the traditional duties of raising the kids and running the household, while remaining silent! These so-called modern women rarely had the freedom to spend their money or time at their discretion. They were labeled as selfish, and egoistic because they were allowed to step out and earn money. Times are changing and for good reasons. Yet I see women canceling their plans with their friends for movies/dinners/weekend gateways or trips away from their families. I would not dare to say that this is the case for all women, but can definitely say that is the case for a majority of us. We feel guilty for making time for us. Ask any new mom, if she could keep the baby down for enjoying her coffee daily while it was still warm. We continue sacrificing at such a minuscule level that it becomes part of our life. If we have to travel for work then the families tend to adjust without our presence, but if we take a leisure trip then it is still frowned upon. If there is an exception of a married woman going on trips then her husband gets all the praise for looking after HER kids, while she is prioritizing her time for doing things that she likes to do. So fellow ladies, be selfish. Live a little! No matter how you live your life- staying silent, earning-not earning, staying home, or traveling the world, you are bound to get labeled regardless. So be selfish to embrace your happiness. Sip up that coffee while it is still warm, and remind yourself that you cannot pour from the empty cup! Do not give the key to your happiness to anyone else! Be selfish and be happy today, the next week, next year, and throughout your life. No prince charming is coming for rescue from any of the labels, you will have to free yourselves from self-inflicted realities.

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